Say what you feel when you say, "I feel"
… not just what you think
We increase emotional intelligence when we give "I feel" it's due.
Why it matters:
Saying how we feel opens the door to emotional intelligence. But we close that door when we express judgments or opinions as feelings.
"I feel this traffic will make me late." What? Don't you mean you think you'll be late?
Try this instead:
Pause and feel what you're feeling. Follow "I feel" with an emotion or sensation word. "I feel cold." "I feel angry." "I feel sad." "I'm afraid."
"I'm afraid of what they'll think of me if I'm late."
Now add "because," and what you're needing right now.
"I'm afraid of what they'll think of me if I'm late because I need to be seen as reliable and competent."
Bottom line:
This language gives feelings their due. Naming and labeling our feelings and our needs creates awareness. And awareness is the first step to emotional intelligence.
