Effective feedback is critical to your development as a leader. If you’re doing something incorrectly, or not doing something you should be, you need to know from someone you trust as soon as possible. Leaders and potential leaders in large organizations get frequent formal feedback. Organizations with a good culture around feedback, or “guidance” as Kim Scott of Candor, Inc. puts it, develop much better leaders.But, what if you’re an entrepreneur, artist, freelancer, or wear a lot of hats, you may not have access to the formal feedback process? Your mentors and advisors may not regularly see you in action.You’re going to have to ask others for feedback on your performance and who you ask is important. You want feedback from people who really care about you and your success. Additionally, you want people who will give you the unvarnished truth - people who won’t hold back and can be direct with you.If this is a short list of people, that’s ok. This is a great way to think about the kinds of relationships you want to cultivate.
Feedback on what?
You need feedback on the behaviors, habits, and actions you take that effect to your success and satisfaction in life – the stuff you do, and the way you are, that you’re not aware of.Consider what a leader does for example. A leader outlines a vision for the future and describes a course of action. A leader also navigates the network of commitments and manages breakdowns on along the path.So, a leader might need feedback and guidance on how well they communicate their vision (is it clear and consistent?). Do they empower or micromanage their teams? Or, perhaps how well they handle disagreements and problems that come up.
How do you ask?
You want to make a clear request for help in the form of feedback. People that care about you may be afraid of hurting your feelings. If you don’t come across as sincere and open, they may be overly careful and avoid possible conflict. “Sandy, I need your help. I want your feedback on my performance. I believe that getting better will make me more successful."
Go first
Since people are afraid of hurting your feelings, you may need to break the ice by going first. If you bring up development areas you’re focused on, they know they won’t surprise you. And if they want to mention something you didn’t, they’ll feel good for sharing something new. You might say: “Alex, I notice that people don’t always follow through with me like I expect them to. I think it’s something about the way I’m communicating what’s needed. What do you think?”With this permission, Alex can be candid about your development needs in communicating with others. Perhaps your requests are too vague and you come across as uncertain about what you really want. Alex might also be able to point out that others see you as anxious and distracted when you’re listening — and this undermines trust.
Listen
It takes courage to ask for feedback in this way so feel good for making it this far. Listen to understand — don’t listen to respond. Don’t take the criticism personally by separating the behavior from yourself. Visualize what you want to improve as something that you and the other person can look at and talk about objectively. You might become defensive or try to rationalize something they tell you. It’s best to focus on the big picture - the intent of the guidance they’re sharing.As much as you try to not take things personally, receiving feedback or criticism can be emotional. Acknowledge that and talk about it if necessary. Remember, your partner doesn’t intend to hurt your feelings. Be mindful of your reactions — as they can inhibit your ability to listen well and will affect how and what the other person shares with you in the future.Keep in mind your body language. If you’re seated, do so fully grounded - and with a presence of openness. Your arms, hands, and shoulders - even your face and eyes are open. These non-verbal cues let the other person know you’re receptive to what they have to say. This body posture actually makes you a better listener as well.
Action plan
With your partner, consider what you can do to improve. Create an action plan that’s doable for you. What new behaviors or habits will you cultivate? How will you remember them? And how can you practice? Suppose, for example, you learned that you tend to break eye contact and fidget when talking about things you want. This undermines the power of your requests. As a result, people don’t always follow through as you like.
Practice and reflect
Continuing the example: standing still and making good eye contact is something you intend to improve. Plan to practice this in everyday interactions with others, such as ordering coffee or food at a cafe. The point is to be fully engaged in this brief transaction. Adopt a stable presence and good eye contact when stating what you want. Maybe use a calendar reminder for predictable interactions.How does it feel to work on something this way?
Take action
Think of a development area you want to address.
If you’re not sure what development area needs work, think of breakdowns affecting your goals.
Consider who can provide you the feedback you need.
Make the request.
What possibilities might be created by giving this a try? What might you achieve with the right guidance from someone you trust?I invite you to let me know how you might apply this in your life.Be well,